For 20 years, some woman has interpreted every move I’ve made towards answering my call to ministry as a desire to get a husband. Yesterday, another installment in that saga occurred. I chose to wear one of the few dresses that still fits me, and in honor of Resurrection Sunday, I chose white. On my way out the door, I grabbed a white scarf to cover my arms and didn’t think anymore about it until I one of the women in my church called out my name. I tried to ignore her because I knew that she was going to say something foul based on the tone in her voice and the feeling in my gut. I should have just kept ignoring her for my own sanity and her own benefit. However, I looked up and her words came spilling out, “You look beautiful. What are you trying to do, get married?” Now, here I am focused on the day and ready to enjoy the Risen Savior in worship and satan decided to use her to remind me that no matter how seriously I take my call to ministry, women in the body of Christ are always hating on the woman that would rather pursue God than a man. The enemy knows that I hate it when people, especially women, regulate me to needing a man more than I need Jesus. While I do desire to be a wife and hopefully a mother, I don’t think it is appropriate for woman to violate each other’s sanity by forcing each other to feel guilty for wanting Jesus and a family. Ironically, I know that had I been a man sitting there in a nice suit and looking handsome, she would have not said anything about marriage. She would have probably said something affirming about being a minister in training. Women, we just can’t love each other no matter what. BUT, here is what I am NOT going to do: give power to her inability to heed the words in the epistle of James about controlling one’s tongue. While all is forgiven and she did no real harm, I can’t let this type behavior slide anymore since ignoring people is not making it go away.
From now on, when a sister decides to regulate me or any other woman to the stereotypes aimed at hurting or hindering women, I am going to put her on blast. For 20 years, I’ve endured this type of behavior and I know other women have also. So, to my sisters, you have been warned. Just take a breath before you say something to another sister that could be the difference between building her up and tearing her down. For those who are just ill-meaning sapphires, if you think you can win against a pen that has been moving across blank print and now electronic highways since 1984, give it your best shot. I am clear about my objective, to liberate women to be their best selves in Christ Jesus. What is yours?